It’s possible the rapture happened yesterday

Walking past a bus of Carmen sandiegos I realize I have misplaced my wallet and in it are some things that I should not be attached to

I wait to be unnaturally pushed I am bussed from one pusher to another. I identify with a screaming child. I identify with a dancing child. I do not identify with the flashing lights of a child’s toy. The child may/may not agree.

Three airports one day thirteen hours and only two where I feel nervous. Three hours in queue awaiting documents and/or stamps.

Gated embassy digs like menifee
Like a tahoe lodge
Like purgatory
Like ______.

Attempt at Reflections on Tuva

At this point I hoped that I would be able to put some thoughts down about what happened to me a few weeks ago. I guess I’ll start with a list of things that happened:

-Saw some fields on fire while taking the train to Abakan
-Took a gorgeous taxi ride through the mountains with ever changing scenery that reminded us Americans of 5-6 different states
-Met a lot of really nice Tuvan people
-Took a long bus ride out into the mountains that involved pushing it up hills and feeling like we were going to fall over. The driver was amazing, it was like a safari ride, and I will never make fun of those short little Russian buses anymore.
-Met some shepherds who were very stoic.
-Watched a goat die via hand through slit in chest and separating aorta from heart
-Ate lots of various goat parts
-Listened to quite a bit of Throat singing
-Played music with throat singers in the back of the bus on the way home
-Saw Tuvan wrestling
-Saw basically every bank in Tuva
-Rode a horse across the Steppe
-Played a song for an English club
-Went to a Tuvan club that really was the closest thing in Russia to clubs I like at home (no frills)
-Got really sick for 30 hours (flu)
-Attempted to make burritos for everyone

I feel like the week I spent there was just long enough for the idea of Tuva as a beautiful place to be solidified in my mind without having to deal with the troubles of every day life. They say drunken Tuvan men can be dangerous. They say there’s crime and racism but I didn’t see it.

Since I’ve been back in Tomsk I’ve tried to process these experiences but it’s difficult. The world felt a little but more connected there, or something like that. People seemed a little more real than many of the Russians I meet. Maybe it was the richness of culture that I sensed. Russia still seems to be figuring its identity out, Tuva seems to have a very ancient one. I want to go back. 

In anticipation of my first “check” from my “grant” I purchased the following things:

1 new bicycle
1 new computer
1 video game
24 beers
3 books

I own a lot of things, I want to get rid of the following things:

1 Marshall speaker cabinet
1 Alesis Ion Synthesizer/Vocoder
2 laptop computers that work
2 laptop computers that don’t work
2 guitars
1 old bicycle

I am listening to my friend’s music. In these early songs he used a lot of tambourine. Tonight I am going to a party that will make me feel important. He invited me to this party because he is a nice person, even though he’s becoming important. Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be Michael Jordan’s second basketball number in years. Michael Jordan is also the name of my landlord, but he is short and white skinned with a shiny bald head, not tall and black with a shiny bald head. He doesn’t hang his tongue out when he’s concentrating, he’s all business.

He didn’t laugh at my jokes. I think he’s too all business for jokes.

Last night I feel I made a good decision to keep playing my music even when the public address system came unplugged. I think most people would agree. It was nice when people came closer to hear, but I thought it was funny that everyone stayed close even when the PA came on because I was thinking how the people in front probably didn’t want to make the people behind them move back.

I wish Gordon wasn’t a sourpuss. Sometimes I want to yell at him. I hope he goes bald tomorrow.

The name Gordon and Jordan sound almost the same. Only the initial consonant sound is different. the “j” sound is a fricative.

I like a girl and she likes me but I fucked up and now we’re starting over again. Try again. I think we’re starting over again, she might not be. I’m not in the mood to admit that we’re not starting over. She’s nice and trying to not hurt my feelings. I wish I had taken that into consideration (not hurting her feelings) when I should have. We’re getting dinner for our birthdays. I think it’s byob and if it is I’m getting wine.

I know we’ll have fun and that’s one of the reasons that spending time with her makes me feel sad. Feelings are silly but I like them.

I’m leaving for the party now, these are the things I’m taking with me:

1 bicycle
1 bag
6 beers
1 flash drive with files for Jose on it
7 opinions of my friend’s songs