keith birthday has norwegian arms

That Man and the Unlocked Stall Door.

I walked into the bathroom and tested to make sure that the stall door was unlocked before entering. I opened the door and a man sat, looked up at me, incredulous, said ‘thanks’.

I Wonder What Happened To That Woman And Her Penis Coat

On the bus, a woman sat in front of me and reclined her seat but it was broken and went all the way back into my lap but she didn’t care and she just lay there. She was ugly, when someone is ugly and ignorant I hate them. 

She took her coat and put it under her head as a pillow, but the sleeves draped over the sides of the headrest into my lap and onto my legs. I couldn’t say anything, but I took out my green marker and found the collar of her coat and drew a small green penis on the right side of her collar, in a place she probably wouldn’t see but everyone else would. She got off the bus before us, put on her coat, left.

I often wonder if the penis is still there, just under her chin. I wonder if people stare at her and I wonder if she notices. I wonder if she has discovered the penis, if she contemplates its origin. Maybe she never noticed, maybe the penis washed off in the rain. Don’t really feel guilty, though. It was a pretty good penis drawing.

Essay: You Are Just An Asshole and/or Internet Genius

It is annoying when I send someone an email with relative urgency and then they don’t get back to me for hours but the whole time I am waiting I am casually watching them ‘social network’ on various platforms meaning that I am effectively being ignored. 

In those situations I feel that they are 80% likely to know that they have received aforementioned email from me (if smartphone is being used). Usually these emails do not require a complicated response (a date/time/yes/no). So the fact that they read it, and then return to actively and publicly ‘social networking’ to me means that they are essentially saying that I am of low priority.

A couple of times I have had to restrain myself from going ahead and calling them out on it (via social media platform they’re using while ignoring my email). But I never actually did, would probably come off as an asshole or something. Also feel like if they wanted to, they could just give me a lame excuse which would be impossible to refute unless I did a stalkerish amount of investigating. Then even if I were to prove my point, I would still be the asshole who has nothing better to do than devote large chunks of time to social network-sleuthing, which no one thinks is something to ‘take seriously’. 

I would probably lose my friends and that would probably be okay. At least at this particular moment, mostly because I have been thinking about my friends and our relationship dynamic a lot recently. I’m beginning to think I don’t actually like my friends.

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