keith birthday has norwegian arms

Recent Memory #2

I went into the girl’s bathroom at the bar because no one was there yet and she needed the mirror and told me to come with her. I noticed the girl’s bathroom has more sinks than the boy’s.

I was at the bar and I was sitting at a table and my friend was DJing but you couldn’t see them because they were around the corner against a different wall and the seat faced towards the bar. I had a free drink in my hand. Toto’s ‘Africa’ began to play but I didn’t know what Toto’s ‘Africa’ was yet. I drank my drink really fast cause they weren’t going to be free in a few minutes. 

I Wonder What Happened To That Woman And Her Penis Coat

On the bus, a woman sat in front of me and reclined her seat but it was broken and went all the way back into my lap but she didn’t care and she just lay there. She was ugly, when someone is ugly and ignorant I hate them. 

She took her coat and put it under her head as a pillow, but the sleeves draped over the sides of the headrest into my lap and onto my legs. I couldn’t say anything, but I took out my green marker and found the collar of her coat and drew a small green penis on the right side of her collar, in a place she probably wouldn’t see but everyone else would. She got off the bus before us, put on her coat, left.

I often wonder if the penis is still there, just under her chin. I wonder if people stare at her and I wonder if she notices. I wonder if she has discovered the penis, if she contemplates its origin. Maybe she never noticed, maybe the penis washed off in the rain. Don’t really feel guilty, though. It was a pretty good penis drawing.

& I am
feeling a lil weird
cause
you tell me to go away

but normally

I’m supposed to be
not so far.

or something. 

Essay: You Are Just An Asshole and/or Internet Genius

It is annoying when I send someone an email with relative urgency and then they don’t get back to me for hours but the whole time I am waiting I am casually watching them ‘social network’ on various platforms meaning that I am effectively being ignored. 

In those situations I feel that they are 80% likely to know that they have received aforementioned email from me (if smartphone is being used). Usually these emails do not require a complicated response (a date/time/yes/no). So the fact that they read it, and then return to actively and publicly ‘social networking’ to me means that they are essentially saying that I am of low priority.

A couple of times I have had to restrain myself from going ahead and calling them out on it (via social media platform they’re using while ignoring my email). But I never actually did, would probably come off as an asshole or something. Also feel like if they wanted to, they could just give me a lame excuse which would be impossible to refute unless I did a stalkerish amount of investigating. Then even if I were to prove my point, I would still be the asshole who has nothing better to do than devote large chunks of time to social network-sleuthing, which no one thinks is something to ‘take seriously’. 

I would probably lose my friends and that would probably be okay. At least at this particular moment, mostly because I have been thinking about my friends and our relationship dynamic a lot recently. I’m beginning to think I don’t actually like my friends.

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I was riding my bike to work and saw
a kitty in the street
and I thought it had food
but it was
just its brain squished out
by a bus
or other large vehicle

and I turned my head and said ‘ew’ 

I am the bearer of too many wings/I am the bearer of too much flesh

Subcutaneous fat clouds

feel vascular
I am a heart beat or hemoglobic donut
I am unnaturally pushed
self important with thoughts like
‘probability is in my favor or something’

react with fear
as it pitches and/or rolls
‘physics still work at an angle’
later I will regain my confidence
acting/lashing out

look at that obese family
they are probably going to mcdonalds
what is their consumption rate of big macs
per capita per day/year?

today a massive polluter
tomorrow back on a bike

I laugh cause that family returns with big macs
if they try to sit next to me I will complain:
‘but they are obese, I can smell their fat/neglect’

‘they are everyone’s healthcare costs’
‘they are the tea party’
‘they are a diet of corn’

‘they are a massive waste of resources’
I will continue yelling until they drag me off and throw me on the Tarmac.
and each obese male will get 1.5 seats
each obese belly digests 2 big macs

subcutaneous fat bodies
additional unnatural pushers
turn secret sauce into additional fat cells

I will be the Tarmac walker demanding equality
or I will be the fat boy crying
cause that other kid beat me up and took my big mac

I may/may not be the silent hypocrite
I am an abandoned big mac storage facility
the correct size but big mac-free.

I am the voice over the speaker who judges you when you order those six big macs
I am sad cause I think I look like you but never touched a big mac
I am jealous that I did not get to be very responsible for my appearance
I am afraid for my life, that our combined obesity will cause us to sink into the hard hard colon beneath those subcutaneous fat clouds.

I am happier on the tarmac
I am unnaturally pushed

and while you are away I may/may not cease to exist

She said: ‘Feel like our relationship is dying a little.

He got scared and that burny feeling and called her but she denied the phone call. He knew because it only rang twice.

She said: Brushing my teeth.

‘That’s a lot to say, especially in a text
and then he said: I don’t agree, now I’m worried
and then he said: Call me when done?
‘Bc I haven’t seen you in a long time and we don’t text anymore
and then she said: I’ll call you tomorrow. I might just be drunk
‘I would like to talk now please.
and then he said: I’m working tomorrow
‘I don’t want to whisper on the phone or wake anyone up
‘This is not a fair thing to bring up and not be able to talk about
and then he said: Do you want to break up?
‘What? Why would I? Do you?
and then she said: I can’t, it’s dead quiet at my house. Forget what I said.

‘I think I have a problem with being clingy so im thinking of staying here an extra week.
‘You think that will help? Are you clingy?
‘I feel clingy right now
‘It’s just because you miss me. I feel emotionally dependent too, I don’t think it’s bad. I really don’t want to wait another week.
‘But if you need to I understand
’:) going to sleep for real this time, night

He went to work in the morning and it took a long time because no one had gone outside to clear the driveway. He also had to argue with his sister about getting the car. It was owned by their father but she drove it more so she considered it ‘hers’. He was frustrated when he was very late to work because of those two things. They texted a couple of times about how she thought she was clingy, and he thought that clingy within a relationship could be good, but he really meant slightly emotionally dependent. He assumed there was hyperbole involved, but she did not. He figured this out when she said:

‘I’m def not clingy. Just googled it

‘Well maybe it’s cause this relationship is special. Feels special. Also don’t think that staying home another week will ‘cure’ you, think you’ll just be sadder

and then he said: ‘What does googster say?
‘Too much to type
‘Well then what are you?
‘Also think its too soon to be calling it special.
and then she said: ‘Adapting to being home + bored

‘Why too soon for special?
‘Bc it’s only been 3 months haha
‘Feel like that quality is not based on length of time. Feel like you’ve been more cynical lately
‘Ok, idk
‘Sorry. Not trying to hurt your feelings, and I could be wrong, I mean it’s all based on inferences from txts.

Not Russian in Russia, trying to speak

Why am I here
In Russia?
In fucking Russia
I walk up the stairs wishing there was more that I could do
Than spit

I said let’s talk
She said no I don’t want to
I don’t understand this
I’m a foreigner I’m supposed to be interesting
But apparently I’m not and the Olympics are as
Far away as anyone who could count could guess

I want to be the strongest speaker
I want to dress like a Russian man
In everything black
And pretend I’m no different
Because this way I’ll never feel a part of it

The Italian girls
They say they like my curly hair
And I believe them
Because Italians seem honest
and I don’t trust the Russians.